rant

Sophomore-itis (and losing yourself)

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For some reason, I was under the impression that sophomore year in college was going to be easier than the first. In some ways it is (I have a closer friend group and a job now) but in other ways, it feels like a constant uphill battle. I have to juggle harder classes, a double major, family obligations, raising my kitten, a new job, multiple organizations, and finding an apartment for next year that is 1.affordable, 2. close to campus, and 3. allows pets (welcome to my nightmare). I know my problems are small compared to what others have to deal with, but it all feels like too much sometimes. And, judging by what my friends have said, I’m not the only one who walked into their second year of college feeling clobbered.

In all of this chaos, I’ve noticed it’s harder to prioritize my passions (as we can see by my month-long hiatus) and by putting them on hold I’ve started to drift apart from myself. Does that sound weird? It makes sense in my head; the further we get pulled into our obligations the less time we have for personal expression and the less time for personal expression the weaker our connection gets.

I’m not pursuing my dreams at college. I’m here to study a field that challenges me and that I’ll happy in while having enough salary to live comfortably. I’ve been told by people they don’t “see” me in my field because in my personal life I’m fueled by wild creativity and business doesn’t always allow for that. But I want to have both; I want the practical skills and the creative fire.

So it’s vital to keep doing what you love. We all have the same hours in the day and there are bound to be nooks and crannies of time in which you can spend creating. It’s exhausting. It’s frustrating. But these are the hustle years. I don’t know if it’s just my college’s culture, but “burnout” doesn’t exist in anyone’s vocabulary.

You keep going because you have to.

And find time to keep in touch with yourself along the way.

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